Vetting Presidents?

It was actually a constructive conversation that included positive attributes on all the candidates. I took a deep breath and finally said to my brother, “I just can’t vote for him, he’s not a nice person”.  He took a deep breath and said, “Oh please, no politicians are nice.” Does that sound familiar?

I have avoided arguing or debating the republican nominees’ shortcomings because honestly no one seems to care. Well actually that isn’t true. I do believe on some level his actions and words do sicken many who continue to support him. But any attempt at debate is met by an attack on the democratic nominee and vice versa.

I have attempted to stay above the fray. I really have. And I’ve made my voting choice based on character, work history and qualifications not on any negatives of opponents. However, I could never endorse or vote for this year’s republican nominee. My soul would never allow it.

Since this is my space, my opinion and my blog I’m going finally say something. I honestly don’t like writing anything negative but today I do it the spirit of empathy. I’m incredibly empathetic toward the republican nominee. Every time I see him he seems so angry and resentful. Holding on to that much resentment and anger must be having a detrimental effect on his body. That’s what happens to our physiology when we hold on to negative emotions. It happens to me when I stupidly allow myself to mire in negative thoughts and emotions too long. But not only does he exhibit resentment and anger, he also seems so defensive. I realize he’s attacked on a daily basis for things he has said and done and that has to be awful. But I can’t quite figure out why he takes everything so personally. I always think, he’s a billionaire who is a success, what does he have to prove to anyone? Yet, he bites back when pressed like a rattlesnake that gets cornered. God bless him. It must be maddening thinking people are always out to get you, take advantage of you and trying make you look bad. Perhaps that’s why he seems to behave in a way he believes people want him to behave rather than be himself? No, I’m not a psychologist but I see this man say what he says and do what he does and I scratch my head in disbelief. I’ve analyzed this thing up and down, front and back, side to side and the only thing I can come up with is he’s psychologically damaged in some way.

I know there have been some pretty thin-skinned, ruthless, spiteful people who’ve held the office of President over the years. But in my historical searches I’ve found no one quite as thin-skinned and spiteful as this guy. Perhaps because of his wealth it’s been very difficult to have anyone in his life that has been trustworthy. Maybe he has so few true friends because he’s always wary that people are trying to get some of his money. Whatever the cause, when he smiles it doesn’t feel genuine. When he talks it doesn’t feel genuine. His demeanor is smug, aggressive, resentful, unapologetic, greedy, insecure, pompous and unkind. I can’t possibly be the only person on the planet who sees and feels these things can I?

What is the latest negative about him? He actually said because he’s a star he can force himself on women any time he wants because they let him. Well that’s just disgusting. Then, several women allege he has done just that. Yea I know, no proof right? Fine but he did say it.

Look, no one I ever knew EVER said things like he said. I’m not lying. In my 50+ years on this planet not one male I ever encountered said anything like this. Yes, I’ve commented on beautiful women, their body and even their smile, but I or no one I know has ever made predatory comments like him.  It’s sickening and downright wrong.

What does it say about a person that speaks that way? Is that kind of talk presidential? Does it speak to something more serious? Maybe it’s time our government implements the hiring processes of so many other companies and require pre-screening of all presidential candidates?

I was thinking the past few days about the psychological tests many companies utilize before considering hiring someone.  Many years ago a friend was applying for a career with an intelligence agency. Since I was listed as a best friend, I was questioned about him, for hours.  The vetting that took place was unprecedented. When I asked him about it years later he said, “Hey, a person who gets to know what I know; well you have know they’re sane right?” That made sense to me. I certainly wouldn’t want anyone in a serious position who is psychologically unstable. And I definitely don’t want that for our president.

According to 2014 trends, 62 percent of human resource professionals are using personality tests to vet candidates in the hiring process. Is it time to do that for the POTUS as well?  Maybe it is. Perhaps if a person decides to run for president, they should first be submitted to psychological tests to determine they don’t possess traits that would disqualify them. We need to know about their health, why not their mental health as well?

I’m not a psychologist but something is definitely off about this guy. His supporters say they like the fact that he’s not a politician but is that necessarily a good thing? He’s supported because he’s convinced many hard working American’s that our country is doomed, the democratic nominee can’t be trusted and that he alone can fix it. I want to reiterate; he alone. Those are not the words of a public servant who understands all elected officials must work together. Doing it alone isn’t possible because that is not the way our government is laid out. POTUS does nothing alone; nothing. Without our legislature POTUS can’t pass any laws to fix anything. He has demonstrated a very limited knowledge of how our government operates and that’s disturbing. But I digress.

My heart races when I see him attempt to speak. And all I see is an angry man who is playing on the fears of hard working Americans he cares very little for in an attempt to con them in to voting for him. He shouts words like liar and speaks in conspiratorial theories with no basis in fact. I’m serious about that, just take time and do your own research as I have from non partisan sources. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I have no party loyalty to anyone. I’ve voted independent, republican and democrat over my 32 years of voting. I’m not the smartest man on the planet by any stretch of the imagination, but I’ve paid attention, read important information from hundreds of sources and I have an educated, non-partisan opinion I’m confident about. It astounds me that people believe everything the republican nominee says! He lies about nearly everything. Please do your research, I mean really do it, and be prepared to see the truth.

*Heavy sigh* If you currently plan on voting for the republican nominee please understand I’m not trying to attack you. I have the utmost respect for your right to vote for whomever you desire, but this guy? Gosh I feel for him. I really do. I’m not sure even HE believes what he’s saying. He reminds me of some bullies who attacked me when I was younger. It wasn’t until I was much older I realized they only had power if I allowed them to. So in some respect, that’s why I have such empathy for the republican nominee. His life is littered with bullying tactics that many say, ‘made him the man he is today’. I say, “Yes, I noticed.”

He’s a troubled soul who doesn’t seem to know love, compassion or charity. And that’s really, really sad. Other than build buildings and create jobs for folks, I’ve seen nothing to convince me that he cares about anyone other than himself. Again, I’m not attacking you but I don’t think someone who exhibits this kind of behavior and has this history will make an effective president.

Will anything I just wrote matter? To my friends and family who support the republican nominee, I love you so much. I really do. My relationship with you is much more important that any election. So understand my assertions on this man are not a reflection of you. I completely understand that having a candidate who is pro-life is important to you. I know in my heart that having someone conservative who might have a chance to present conservative Supreme Court justices means a lot to you. I get why you feel a successful businessman might do a better job of managing the financial aspects of our government than the politicians who apparently have been messing it up for years. And my goodness I totally understand wanting a person who might be able to protect America by strengthening our borders, and making sure folks who are moving to our country don’t intend to harm us. I get it. But everything in his message is based on fear. And I can’t support anything or anyone who deals solely in fear.

The decisions I make in my life come from my soul. I trust that my choices are right for me because I feel I’m living out my purpose; the purpose laid out for me by my Creator. I don’t live in a world of self-doubt, anxiety and fear. I trust in that all-creating spirit that lives inside me. So when I experience anyone who deals in those things, plays in those things, who attempts to do business with those things, my soul shuns them as something that doesn’t emanate from my Creator. Does that make sense? He’s not a nice man. Not because he was born that way, but because he became that way. I feel sorry for him, I really do. I send him all the love in the world in the hope that he may be able to change some day. I just feel that change should occur first before trying to become our president.

Hiring POTUS

Did you happen to notice it is an election year? Okay, that was a bit snarky but if I weren’t following the cable news, political websites and social networking I wouldn’t know anything.  Then again, I am following cable news, political websites and social networking and I still don’t know anything.  Perhaps in my 50 years on this planet I had my head in the sand, but I really can’t remember an election year where so little positive was being reported. No wonder so many Americans are thinking about not voting at all. It’s not that I agree with that sentiment, but I can definitely relate. I am genuinely tired after watching cable news and reading political “reporting” on the internet. I can sit here and shout, “Shame on you cable news!” Or I can get on me soapbox and exclaim, “Let’s hear about the positive attributes of the candidates and not the negatives!” As I discovered, if you want to find positive things about any of the candidates, you have to really do your research.

What I discovered is there are indeed positives about all the candidates. Truly, there are! However, I’m going to ask you to discover them for yourselves. I know who I’m voting for and I have my reasons. But my reasons for not voting the other candidates, truly doesn’t have anything to with any meme, broadcast news story or any other rhetorical smear I read daily. My choice, in my opinion, is simply the most qualified to head the Executive Branch of our Federal Government.

Have you ever had to hire someone? Sitting in a managerial position and having the power to give someone a job or not isn’t always a pleasant one. I recall too well the many resumes I looked through before deciding who to call in for an interview.  Then, after the first set of interviews, there was whittling down to a select group who I felt best fit the position. There was sometimes a second interview where, usually, my choice was made.  What were the criteria I used? I quickly found out that there were usually many people who were qualified on paper. Their experience and education were usually very similar.  In the case of radio where I was doing the hiring, there was also the quality of their work. That too didn’t always weed out people because there were some very talented candidates. I usually came down to sitting across from them and talking. I didn’t believe in standard interviews, I usually like to just chat. And that’s where, after all the other criteria was met, I would make my subjective decision as to who to hire. So in the case of hiring someone to be President, I kind of think of it the same way.

From the start of this election process I looked at the many candidates and who I felt were qualified. Party or gender was irrelevant. I quickly was able to narrow it down to about six individuals on both sides of the aisle. And that was simply a matter of a good resume that best fit the POTUS job requirements. Then I imagined interviewing these people and finding out a little more about them. How effective might they be? Is what they are proposing, good for the country? Watching all the debates, and I only missed one or two, I was able to see some true candidates appear. Unfortunately, the candidate I felt was most qualified at this point in our history, didn’t get the nomination. But that’s all part of the system we have here in America. So now we have candidates who weren’t my first choice. But we do have qualified people who I feel could head the Executive Branch effectively. And I’ve made my choice.

I’m purposely not saying who I’m voting for because I don’t want to turn this into a back and forth battle of he said/she said. I’m writing this because perhaps it’s time for all of us to reevaluate why we’ve decided to vote the way we have. And if you haven’t made the decision yet, imagine you’re running a company and you had to choose one of the people out there as your successor. And don’t necessarily look at the negatives, look at ALL the positive attributes and qualifications and go from there. As I discovered from hiring folks, there were always things about people that could sway me from hiring them. But, there were just as many positive things about them to help me make the decision TO hire them.  What do you think?  Is it possible to stop posting horribly negative things about the candidates we don’t like and start informing people about the positive qualifications our candidates have to take over as President of the United States?

 

Thoughts

I’m not going to say a word about politics.  I’m not going to say a word about new gun laws or regulation. Although looking back at what I just typed I did mention those words. But that’s just it, they’re only words. And words only have power if we let them.

I’ve written before about my Mom’s motto, “Sticks and stones will break your bones but names will never hurt you.” But she also used to say, “Actions speak louder than words.” Of course my smart aleck Dad would jokingly say, “Do as I say not as I do.” But there is truth in that saying as well.  Well I think there is.

You and I’ve both watched people who say one thing and do another. Although I’ve been that guy too! I wouldn’t say I knowingly was acting in a way contrary to what I preached but I know there have been times when my actions didn’t match what I was saying. Growing up in a fundamentalist Christian household that was always a big no-no. Mom would say things like, “You can’t very well act one way in church on Sunday then turn around and act another way the other six days of the week.” I tried to do that Mom, I really did.  Actually, I still do, which is the point of this seemingly pointless blog entry.

Today, a friend asked for advice on how to handle stress.  She was seeking a way to deal with a common problem so many people face. Years ago stress brought me to my knees. I would get so anxiety ridden I’d have dizzy spells, hyperventilate, get sick, lose weight, lose my appetite and generally lose the ability to function. I was prescribed different types of anti-anxiety medication but it didn’t seem to do any good. Then one night I was sitting watching PBS and there was a guy on there talking about me. Okay, he may not have been talking about me but his words were most definitely speaking to me. I went out the next day and purchased the book “The Power of Intention” by Dr. Wayne Dyer. I read it once, studied it the second time through and finally started applying some of it to my life. It was pretty amazing. I won’t go into detail about the contents but one lesson I do my best to apply each and every day is, “If we change our thoughts we change our lives.” It seemed simple enough but boy it’s a difficult task to achieve.

Perhaps it has to do with our amazing minds. We have the ability to recall so many emotions from our past. Unfortunately for many of us, we also recall many times in lives we would rather forget. I was however, challenged to think back to those unfortunate events, my subsequent reactions and my eventual response. And when I thought about them, I realized that many of the negative emotions I associated with those things didn’t solve anything.  My frustration, regret, anger, sadness, envy or worry only made those events and my memory of them more painful. So why think of them that way?

I decided to make it my lifelong goal to change the way I look at things, the change way I remember things and to change the way I respond to things. For nearly 12 years now I’ve adopted this new way of life, and even though I still drop the ball once in a while, I can honestly say my life is so much simpler. I’m not going to pretend that my initial responses to things aren’t sometimes negative because they do.  However, I’m now able to have those feelings and then turn my thoughts to something positive. I challenge you to the same.

Let’s say you’re on Facebook and someone posts something that offends you. Your first instinct is to write something back like, “How dare you say something like that?”  Or perhaps, “I can’t believe you feel that way?”  What happens when you respond in that matter usually creates a long thread of back and forth negative comments that really go nowhere and only serves to get two or more parties really upset.  *Heavy sigh* Just today I read numerous Facebook posts that evoked a lot of negative thoughts in my head. Some part of me wanted to shout at them for saying such awful things, but I quickly realized it wouldn’t solve anything; not really. So, I read the post, felt some negative emotions, I hid the post from my timeline and moved on. I felt relieved knowing I didn’t allow myself to get pulled into that negative stream of consciousness. And that’s what it is. And it doesn’t only happen on social media. It happens every day in real life as well.

Which takes me back to words and my friend who is stressed out; heck even the word stressed out makes me stressed.  J Actually it no longer has that effect on me. I guess I just don’t look at it that way any longer, or more accurately I don’t think of it that way anymore.  I am in no way trying to belittle someone’s right to get worked up about something. We all do it from time to time. We are after all, human beings. By all means, feel those feelings we are so blessed to possess. But we just shouldn’t dwell on them. It’s damaging to our minds, our bodies and our souls. Plus, life is too damn short to spend “stressed out”. So instead, when we’re feeling stressed we can ask ourselves what exactly is it that is stressing us out in the first place? Is it something that is beyond our control? Is it a possible negative scenario our mind has created to keep us in that stressed out zone? I found over the past 12 years that in most cases all amount of stress in the world, all the worry, all the freaking out over something that I was certain was the end all of my existence was indeed…not. Getting worked up never solved anything it only made it worse.

So words…yes those sometimes hateful, thoughtless, useless, demeaning, argumentative words…yea they aren’t cool.  But people say them all the time don’t they? And those too only have power over our emotions if we let them. When I read those things or hear them come out of people’s lips I shake my head and think, “Now why would they say such a thing?” Then I think, “I hope they find they peace they need some day.” And you know what? I feel better!

When I started writing this I had every intention on concentrating on “actions speak louder than words”. Guess I just wrote some of these words so I better start putting them into action huh?

Namaste

I Love You

Have you ever followed a thread on someone’s Facebook comment and thought of many things to say in reply? Have you had a reply, decided not to post it, and moved on feeling helpless? Since this political season has started that has happened to me too many times to mention. Since the tragedy in Orlando and the posts that have followed, it’s happened again.  Honestly, I can count at least 30 times I didn’t post a response to something.  Why?

Can anyone change a person’s mind? Can a meme, a blog entry, a video or a speech alter a human beings innermost beliefs? I’m not so sure. In my case, I wouldn’t post something on social media unless it was something I feel strongly about. You all know I’m a lover not a fighter and I strive to seek silver linings in every gray cloud. I’ve stopped myself several times from posting things I believe in because in many cases I feel it will fall on deaf ears. I would love my Facebook friends to digest what I say and, at the least, consider an alternate view from the one they currently hold. But for the most part I’m very well aware I’m preaching to the choir. However, in the light of everything I’ve read, listened to and watched the past few days I’m going to try one more time.

Perhaps if we strip all the heated arguments down to the barest emotions we can all find something to agree on. So I ask all of you, “Do you love?”  It can be a spouse, partner, friend or family member but can you say you love them? I think most of us can say yes we do, have and can love someone unconditionally. And for the most part, that feels pretty good. So I think it’s safe to conclude we all have the capacity to love. Now, the second question is, “Do you hate?” It can be a spouse, partner, friend or family member but can you say you hate them? I think most of us have a much more difficult time committing to truly “hating” someone. We may hate someone’s views or actions but really hating someone isn’t as easy. And if you do hate someone it usually doesn’t feel very good. From personal experience and many trips to a psychiatrist I learned just how detrimental hating someone can be to my overall health. Can we all agree that hating isn’t a good thing? If you answered no to that question then I suggest you not continue reading but if you answered yes than I invite you to continue on.

If we are all aware loving is good and hating is bad than why we do spend so many hours spewing hateful rhetoric in person and on social networks? I can guarantee hateful words are only revered by those who also hate and agree with what you are referring to. You are preaching to the choir. Similarly, loving words are dismissed by those who hate and lauded by those who, like you, love. So why do we spend so much time trying to change each other’s mind?

For me it is simply knowing that loving is a great way to live. I can remember the moment, like the turning on of a light bulb, when everything started making sense. It seems simple now but I realized that I can choose whether to love or hate, be happy or sad, trust or worry. I can choose whether I engage in a conversation or just listen. It is such a freeing way to live. The truth is, I read what some of my friends write regarding politics and most recently terrorism and despite the fact that it’s not how I feel I can, in some way, understand their views. They all have deeply entrenched beliefs on which to base all comments, solutions and actions. We all do. We can all spend hours debating one side or the other and there is enough empirical data to support almost every argument. The issue with these social networking debates is that for the most part the parties involved don’t want to hear the other side. They aren’t ready to hear anything that would make them question their life long, deeply held beliefs. And yes, I admit I do it too. So today I read many things that I don’t agree with but instead of dismissing them, I really made an effort to understand them objectively. I only required the following criteria: If what was said came from a negative, non-loving place I would move on. But if what was said came from a truly positive, loving, place than I paid attention. Here’s what I discovered.

I found myself agreeing with some of my Facebook friends I don’t normally agree with because their views come from an honest, loving intention. And their solutions don’t involve hateful, conspiratorial steps designed to divide rather than include. I also found myself disagreeing with some of my friends I normally agree with because their views were coming from a place of anger, fear and revenge. These solutions were divisive and were more designed to argue then solve.  Please understand, my entire reasoning was making a concerted effort to understand why all of us feel the way we do. I came to the conclusion that whenever things are said or suggested with negative emotions involved, solutions seldom follow.

I get emotional too.  And I’ve said and done many things I probably shouldn’t have. We’re human and it’s completely understandable. However, I can’t help but feel there is a real danger with arguing on social media. I say arguing instead of debating because one never involves a solution and the other may. I know if I spout my views about religious liberties, politics, hate crimes, terrorism, gun regulations and other hot topics, there will be those who jump in to tell me all the reasons my views are wrong.  I even know that some of those people will genuinely try to change my mind because they feel I’m lost in a sea of liberal thinking.  Others will triumphantly praise my comments with kudos and add negative comments about the other views.  But what’s the point? I honestly don’t know.

I performed in a serious of children’s plays years ago that were aimed at teaching children. The mantra that was emphasized in the shows (thanks Amanda) was Stop, Feel, Think & Act.  Let’s say a person insults us.  We should first Stop.  Before we say or do anything, just stop.  Then if we let what the person said sink in, let’s identify what we’re really feeling at that moment. At that point we can take what we’re feeling and decide if what we’re feeling is a direct result of what the person said, is it just something we feel all the time.  Finally, we can make a conscious choice whether to Act or not. After all the internal deliberation do we respond, or do we choose to take control of our own thoughts and emotions and walk away.  It seems simply right?  Oh but it isn’t.

I honestly do my best to apply that simple strategy to everything in my life.  I don’t always succeed but when I do I’m so much happier. What I find is, if I don’t immediately respond, I usually am able to deal with any negative comments much easier than if I allow myself to be offended, and therefore respond without thinking. That’s dangerous for all of us.

Here’s my truth. Everyone has an opinion.  Everyone has a reason they have those opinions.  Right or wrong we have to recognize every human being’s right to feel the way they do about things. But, when opinions stem from negative emotions of any kind, I recognize them, and let them go without giving them credence. In my soul I truly feel THAT is the issue facing not only Americans, but the human race. We’ve all lost the ability to just be. We’ve lost the ability to love others as we love ourselves. Please, please, please when a negative thought appears, replace it with a positive one.  When a negative word appears, replace it with a positive one or just don’t say anything at all. When a negative emotion appears, replace it with a positive one and smile, knowing you’re alive when so many more aren’t. When hate appears, replace it with love.

When some lost soul is spewing hate the only response is, I love you.

Political History & Decorum

I’d be in the living room watching Saturday morning cartoons when I’d hear my Mom and Dad in the kitchen talking about politics. My Mom, very private about her selection process, would infuriate my Dad because she wouldn’t tell him who she planned on voting for. Sometimes those discussions would escalate when my Uncle Jim and sometimes my Uncle Donny would visit and inevitably the “what’s best for the country” discussion would ensue. It was in my mid-teens when I learned my mother was a registered Republican and my father was a registered Democrat. And I admit, I had no idea what either of those things meant. Even with 12 years of education, I felt incredibly unprepared to eventually walk into a polling place and perform what I was taught as an integral part of my duty as a citizen of the United States of America. This was serious business! I didn’t watch much of the news unless my parents were watching and this was long before the advent of the internet so my sources were pretty much limited to what my family said and what I read in the newspapers. But then again, I didn’t read many of those either. That is of course until I graduated high school and started college.

Even though I was born in 1965 I was a child of the 70’s. I grew up hearing the adults in my life talking about the Kent State massacre, the killing of nine hostages and one police officer at the 1972 Munich Olympics, the resignation of President Richard Nixon, the Vietnam war and the fall of Saigon, Jimmy Carter, the death of Elvis, the first test tube baby, Peace in the Middle East between Egypt and Israel, the first non-Italian Pope in over 400 years Pope John Paul II, the Jonestown Massacre, Three Mile Island, Ted Bundy and the Iran Hostage Crisis.  According to all the elders in my life, these were scary times. In 1979 I walked into the halls of Central Columbia High School as a freshman. From there, in 1983, I went to college and my impressionable 80’s education began. Between 1980 and 1984 I read, saw and heard about the eruption of Mount St. Helens, the assassination of John Lennon, the assassination of Anwar Sadat, the identification of the AIDS virus, the assassination of Indira Ghandi and the Soviet Union boycotting the 1984 Olympics. The difference in these informative years that I was no longer relying on biased information from the adults in my life I was getting it on my own. Plus, it was not longer the older folks who would make the decisions that would affect me, it would be me. I remember being genuinely scared I’d make the wrong choice when I voted. There were positive stories that happened between the years 1965 and 1984 too, but even then, fear ruled when it came to the news media. And I had 18 years of it imbedded in my psyche. What do I do when I vote?

Since my 18^th birthday wasn’t until November 29th, 1983 I didn’t have my first chance to vote until 1984.  November 6, 1984 I nervously walked into the polling area by myself and was asked, “Are you a registered Republican or a Democrat?” I remember thinking that was an awfully personal question to ask someone. But I quietly replied, “republican”, and was directed toward a polling station. Republican, what did that even mean? I honestly don’t know why I registered Republican when I was young. I believe it had something to do with the fact that that was what my Mom was. Not that I didn’t love my Dad and respect his choice to be a registered Democrat, but I think early on the mantra, “We must keep the Federal Government out of lives” rang true to me. It was the message that was fed to me by my aunts, uncles and many of the adults who helped shape my belief system. So, when I walked into the polling station on that cold November day I pulled the lever for Ronald Reagan. Truth be told, I could have voted for Walter Mondale too because I knew that was who Dad was voting for but in the end, my conditioning won the battle of my decision.

For the next four years I watched intently at what Ronald Reagan did for our country. I mean here was a guy who was a successful Hollywood actor, Governor and now President who lived through an assassination attempt in 1981! But despite the fact that his awe-inspiring efforts helped dismantle traditional communism, stop the cold war and tear down the Berlin Wall, terrible events continued to occur across the nation and the world. In the late 80’s there was Chernobyl, the Space Shuttle Challenger disaster, the University of Montreal Massacre, the Iran-Contra Scandal, the largest stock market crash in history occurred on “Black Monday, Pan Am flight 103 explodes over Lockerie, Scotland brought down by suspected Lybian terrorists and thousands of protestors were killed on Tienanmen Square in Beijing. Did the decisions President Reagan make help prevent any of those things from happening? Or for that matter, did the decisions of presidents George Herbert Walker Bush, Bill Clinton, George W. Bush or Barak Obama prevent any of the tragic events that occurred in the 90’s, 00’s or 10’s?

Perhaps that’s a stretch. My intent isn’t to begin a debate over presidential decisions that may or may not have had an effect on global or national tragedies and victories, but rather to revisit our past as a way of understanding the decisions we make in the present. I’m not sure exactly when I discovered I had a mind of my own, but when it happened it was enlightening. I suddenly realized that not everything people said about a candidate was true. I realized that issues that were important to me might not necessarily be important to others. And I also came to the realization that regardless of who is President, bad things happen.

I think back often of those political conversations that occurred when I was young, except now when I do I’m able to pull from them an important lesson. When we stop to take the emotion out of the equation many things become clearer. I haven’t thrown away my childhood imprinting but rather used it to mold my own psyche and decision making process. Emotionally my Mom wasn’t able to see things that my Dad thought were vital in the role of government. In the same way my Dad, being too emotional to be rational, never really listened to issues that were important to my Mom. When in truth, if they would have truly listened to each other, they would see they both wanted similar things but had different ways of achieving them. That’s a lesson I learned then and do my best to pass along now.

I’m not even sure why I wrote this entry today. I think it has so much to do with the nastiness I see and hear every day. Heck, I’ve heard it all my life it just that now with the advent of the internet, Facebook and cable news outlets, I’m confronted with it so much more. Sometimes when I read what people write I think, “Wow! That was just an awful thing to say!” Or I say outloud, “Why would they say something like that?” You know the comments I’m referring to. The lashing out that occurs when someone disagrees with a stance another makes on a particular candidate. I reminds me of sitting in a bar watching a football game and seeing two people get into a fist fight over an errant call, a botched play or even over a particular player one of the people detest.  But the presidential primaries aren’t a sporting event. They are not a reality based television show where unabashedly argue on who should get voted out and who should stay in. They are instead about aligning ourselves with the individual who best represents the issues that are important to us. They are about choosing a qualified individual who will represent the Executive Branch of the Federal Government of the United States of America.

My Mom had some good points to make when it came to economics and the role the Federal Government has to play. My Dad had some good points about the social side of things. I’ve taken what they believed, and with my own established belief system, created my own set of credentials and qualifications for the office of President. For me, I take the emotion out of the equation and try my best to be pragmatic when it comes to my choice. I’m now a registered Democrat but I’ve never voted a straight party ticket. I didn’t have the opportunity to caucus for the Republicans in my home state of Kentucky but if I could have I would have been involved. I will however be voting in the Democratic primaries in May and yes I have chosen who I am voting for. And whoever the eventual nominees are, I will make my choice based not on emotions, but rather qualifications that match my set of mandatory credentials.

Unfortunately tragic events happen every year in our nation and world. It is difficult not to get emotional about things. And yes it’s so hard to not get wrapped up in the negative banter that gets thrown at us every day by our friends, family and the media. But rather than getting offended that someone doesn’t believe like we do, or attacking others because they say things that offend us, let’s not get offended at all. It’s not important that everyone agrees with us. I advocate an open forum of positive qualifications for every candidate. And if someone differs from me, that’s okay. Every, and yes I mean every candidate has positive attributes. Since November I’ve listened to all of them and slowly narrowed down my choices. I don’t have to tear down the others to make my choices seem better. Instead, like my mother, what’s important to me is pretty personal. Please, please, please let us all make a concerted effort to raise our level of decorum and not be so defensive when someone chooses a different path. People have had dissenting opinions for centuries. And that in part, is what makes America the greatest country in the world.

Willy Wonka for President

“If you want to view paradise, simply look around and view it. Anything you want to do it. Want to change the world, there’s nothing to it.” Those lyrics from the song Pure Imagination written by Leslie Bricusse and Anthony Newly were running through my head this morning. I’m sure it’s a direct result of what is occurring in our nation politically and my assertion that we can choose to see good in the world rather than bad.

There is a definite divide among the human beings on our planet. Put 100 humans in a room and you’ll get 100 different opinions. But where do those opinions come from? In many cases it’s where we were reared, how we were reared, our imprinting and our psychological make-up. But is it more than that?

Despite everything that’s been said by the Americans who are following the different candidates I always look for one thing; positivity. It’s so easy to fall into the trap of thinking everything is bad, and to lash out at people who don’t feel the way we do. But that is certainly not the formula for curing anything. What would happen if each of us actually listened to each other and we came at issues from a positive angle rather than negative?

This year I’ve chosen to listen. And surprisingly, each candidate has expressed things that I agree with. Yes, even Donald Trump has said things that rang true to me. I don’t think he’s a good choice for our presidency, but I do agree that corruption must be addressed. Honestly, when I watch him speak I have a lot of empathy for him. His insecurity is such that he needs to be liked, loved even. At his rallies when surrounded by those who worship him, his ego shines through and shouts of joy are heard when he spews his authoritarian rhetoric. But when he’s in a room with a diverse set of people, his ego is on the defensive because he isn’t being fed by followers. It’s sad to see.

No, I’m not about to say I saw this coming. But it doesn’t surprise me at all that in 2016 we have a presidential race that has be debased to the level of a reality television show. The candidates went there, the news outlets went there and the voters went there. Why did this happen now? Perhaps it’s because Americans and perhaps human beings in general don’t know what to believe in any longer.

This is what I believe in.

 I believe in equality.

Human beings of every color, sex, creed, size and sexual orientation deserve to be treated equally.

 I believe in hope.

Fear breeds despair, hate, greed, distrust, anger, worry, paranoia, envy and instigates rash decisions.

 I believe in positivity.

It isn’t weak to imagine a planet where love dominates. It isn’t weak to see human beings who are different than us as beautiful creations. It isn’t weak to know silver linings exist in the darkest clouds.

 I believe in love.

Hatred, fueled by fear, is the most detrimental human emotion. It is a cancer that erodes the very fabric of the human soul. Love of one’s self, others and the world is the only treatment to this disease of the troubled soul.

 I believe in a better world, with better people.

I will never start a revolution but I can change me. I will never attempt to attain public office but I will continue to attempt to attain internal peace. I will never make every American happy but I will be happy. I will never make everyone love me but I will make a concerted effort to love everyone I meet. My mind wants me to be hurt, offended and angered by what I see and hear the candidates do and say. But instead I’m focusing on my attention on the media outlets that repeat the sensationalized sound bites over and over. I’m also concentrating on the segment of humans who are pummeled with that rhetoric over and over. It is there the soul searching needs to begin. We human beings are all divine creations who will one day reach that point where we promote love instead of hate and a better world will emerge.

I believe in never agreeing with everyone all the time.

Diversity is the soul of civilization. I would never expect anyone to be like me. It’s true I don’t understand why some human beings feel the way they do about certain issues, but that’s the beautiful thing about the human condition. We are all born the same way, but our childhoods, our imprinting, our environments, our history are all different. That creates different views on issues we all feel passionate about. What’s important to me may not be important to you and vice versa. But what we all need do is embrace those differences and highlight the things we have in common. But we must do it with love.

 I believe in God.

This belief, this trust, this way of life is the nourishment that feeds my life’s journey. It’s not a religious commitment with laws and rules. It’s not a political tool used to sway people to live the way I do, it’s the engine that runs my soul.

I share my core beliefs because I refuse to allow the nasty, hurtful, hateful, fear-mongering political rhetoric to seep into my soul. The truth is I love each and everyone one of the human beings currently running for presidential nominations. I have tremendous empathy for each and every one of them. Each of them wants so badly to say the right thing, do the right thing and be the right thing. Because of that the democrat and republican candidates will attack each other, peddle hatred, fuel the fire of distrust and activate the id, ego and super ego of the American public. Despite all of that we will persevere if we look inward.

See good everywhere, in all things and in all people. That’s the way to change the world,”there nothing to it.”.

I hope this has a point…

“She’s a liberal! That’s why she says those things!”, the man exclaimed on the cable news network. “They all have their head in the sand because they don’t want to hear the truth”, was the follow-up. As I watched and heard this banter my mind went to the word chosen to describe this person. She was labeled a liberal. We’ve been trained how to respond to that word through years of conditioning. If ours is a conservative background our defense mechanism kicks in and we already discount any logical points raised in the discussion by this person. If we’ve been indoctrinated with a liberal education we tend to take what this liberal person says without question. Growing up in a household with a republican mother and a democratic father I’ve been exposed to both. Are there always two sides to everything? Or could there be many ways to see things? The news commentator said this liberal didn’t want to hear the truth. Politicians, Legal professionals, Educators and Religious speakers love that word. But whose truth are we talking about? I decided to get some literal definitions of these words and see if I can make some sense out of this.

Let’s look at the word liberal in Merriam-Webster’s dictionary.

1. Of, relating to, or based on the liberal arts
2. Marked by generosity; given or provided in a generous, open-handed way
3. Lacking moral restraint obsolete
4. Not literal or strict.
5. Broad-minded; especially: not bound by authoritarianism, orthodoxy, or traditional forms.
6. Of, favoring, or based upon the principles of liberalism; Capitalized: of or constituting a political party advocating or associated with the principles of political liberalism.

Here’s Merriam-Webster’s definition of truth.

1. Sincerity in action or character,
2. The state of being the case, the body of real things, events and facts, a transcendent fundamental of spiritual reality, a judgment, proposition, or idea that is true or accepted as true, the body of true statements and propositions,
3. The property of being in accord with fact or reality, fidelity to an original or to a standard,
4. In accordance with fact.

As I suspected these two words have many different meanings. And depending who’s saying them, where they are said, and how they are uttered can make all the difference. Human beings have the gift of speech. Words can be beautiful and be uplifting and loving avenues that lead to positive outcomes. But they can also be hurtful, disconcerting, evil and deceiving. We tend to use words to label others. We put people into a category using words that are aligned with our belief system. A belief system that automatically puts us at odds with anything that questions those beliefs. I’m labeled a compassionate, loving man by some, and others an unrealistic dreamer who doesn’t live in the real world. When people ask me questions about what I think or feel it takes me a long time to answer. I don’t like labeling myself because as soon as I say a word, people automatically have a opinion based on their truth. I do it too. And I don’t like the fact that my brain categorizes in that way. So I’ve challenged myself to stop labeling people. I’m going to choose my words carefully. If I know a person I’m speaking too has a different belief system from me, I will simply say, “you may not want to hear what I think on that matter.” If they press me, I will say, “I will tell you, but realize I am not attacking you in any way. It’s okay that we don’t see eye to eye on all things.” What I will not do is label myself by a politcal party or religious affiliation.

When asked if I am proud to be an American I quote my mother when she used to say, “pride commeth before the fall.” It’s a genuine human emotion to feel a sense of accomplishment or to feel good about people who achieve great things. But if that feeling separates us from other human beings than I say it isn’t good. Yes, I was born and reside in America so therefore I am an American. But being an American doesn’t make me any better than any other human being with a different nationality.

Even now I’m sure if one of you is reading this you already have an opinion about my beliefs and have, in your own way, labeled me. I understand because our minds always try to make sense out of things that are either different than us or question our belief system. But I truly feel the problems in the world today are human problems. Too long we’ve used words to categorize people, who in many ways are just like us. But because they don’t talk like us, look like us, behave like us, believe like us and act like us we discount them. And that’s just not a nice thing to do.

As a baby we are open to all. In in a few short years we are taught what is good and what is bad. As we get older we are taught who to listen to and who not to listen too. And most times, but not always, we carry those rules into adulthood. And because of that, we must be careful what words we use and what labels we apply to people. Because like us, other people have a belief system too.

Alright, back to our liberal who doesn’t know the truth in the beginning of this short essay. She was indoctrinated with a belief system and it is her choice to feels. The same goes for the news anchor who feels a different way. The truth that is spoken is also relative. And it is obvious that both of their truths are different. So when this impasse is reached we must seek out facts. Things the are indisputable. Are their such things?

Perhaps it’s a good idea for all human beings to install a fact checker on ourselves. When I did it to myself I quickly found out that many of my beliefs were just that; beliefs. They weren’t based on indisputable fact but rather years of conditioning. That doesn’t mean they are false because they are very true to me but what is fact?

I am human. I am male. I am flawed. I love. These facts can be proven by scientific fact or by my actions. As far as my beliefs go…well, I’ll gladly share those beliefs with you if asked.

Things I felt compelled to say…with love.

Have you ever been so mad at someone you wanted to hurt them? I’m not only speaking about physical hurt, but emotional hurt as well. Retaliation is “to do something bad to someone who has hurt you or treated you badly.” Perhaps you’ve been jilted in a relationship and you can think of nothing but making the person that hurt you pay for how they treated you. I remember feeling that way several times over the years. My heart raced at the thought of getting revenge. And a false sense of gratification filled my senses when I achieved my goal of hurting the other person. But did it do anything positive? I was taught to treat others as I want to be treated. So, would I want someone to hurt me if I hurt them intentionally or otherwise? No, I wouldn’t want anyone to hurt me.

My heart hurts for everyone affected by the terrorist attacks across the globe. The senseless violence that killed and wounded so many and left individuals fatherless, motherless, sisterless, brotherless and friendless. But is the answer retaliation? Violence begets violence I was always taught. If a man strikes you on your left cheek do you strike him? Or do you offer him your right cheek as well? So many mixed messages race through my mind when I struggle to find a way to deal with the violent, hateful acts that continue to hurt so many. Like, why do these terrorists hate? What could have happened to cause them to want to hurt people? We say, for no reason, but they seem to have rationalized a reason haven’t they? Or they wouldn’t have done it in the first place. That’s where I scratch my head over terrorism in general. My mom would say, “they need God in their lives.” But they kill senselessly in the name of God. Historically speaking, zealots have been doing that for thousands of years. Why?

Psychologically speaking there seems to be a feeding of the id, ego and superego. Plus, a sincere lack of empathy. As an older man I can’t even fathom the thought of hurting someone, let alone killing someone for any reason. I tend to feel for everyone involved in a certain way. My heart hurts for the victims and their families and my soul aches for the misdirected, lost, hateful individuals who don’t seem to feel at all. Please, don’t try to twist my words and ask, “How can you feel for these horrible, hateful people who kill others for no reason?” Spiritually speaking it’s the only way I CAN look at it. Is the answer simply to kill those who kill us? Is killing acceptable as long we have a good reason? The legal systems have a entire list of these “good reasons” but does it make it right to take another life?

I know what many of you are thinking. Who is this tree-hugging, life is beautiful, peace, love and flowers whack-job who’s spewing this love is stronger than hate rhetoric. Doesn’t he live in the real world? Of course I do! And like many of you I have thoughts of revenge, feelings of retaliation, even bouts of internal frustration and anger. But, I do my best to emulate the actions of peaceful mentors who taught me by example that love IS the answer. I too can be hypocritical sometimes but I really do my best to love first and foremost. And in my “pie in the sky” outlook, we CAN change others and the world if we all try a little harder to love each other.

In the short-term I know it seems unfathomable NOT to retaliate with killing all the zealots who perform these heinous acts and somewhere in my mind I think about hurting them too. I just really hate myself for having those thoughts. Because somewhere in my soul it just doesn’t seem right. Perhaps there is a solution to not only bring these people to justice but also change their opinion of we “infidels”. And maybe it starts with changing they way we behave in our daily lives. Perhaps we can be more understanding of our neighbors, our co-workers, our acquaintances. If we’re less judgmental. If we don’t expect everyone to believe as we do. Perhaps we can begin a global shift that can begin healing the world, one person at a time…with unconditional love.

Cecil, the dentist and the mob

Cecil the Lion was needlessly killed for sport by a dentist whose life many people now seek to destroy. That headline in one form or another has dominated my Facebook newsfeed for the past 36 hours. And yes, I did indeed read many of the comments regarding the lion’s murder. In addition to the many calls to ruin the dentist’s life by boycotting his practice, there were comparisons made to other horrific events of the past several weeks. Some complained that there was more outrage at the killing of a lion then there was at the killing of innocent people. I don’t believe they were saying they agreed with the death of the lion but that more folks seem to want to comment on it. I even noticed Cecil’s death trending more than the recent Louisiana theatre tragedy. But then I thought, “Why am I even comparing?”

I’m not sure I can say what I feel about either incident. Actually, I’m not sure my commenting on either will really do any good. I’m incredibly disheartened at the needless killing of beautiful animals. I’m also deeply saddened by heartless killing of innocent people. But am I outraged? I honestly try not to let anything get me that angry. In my experience anger never really served a useful purpose in my life. And venting anger in a social forum just attracts more people who are angry. It creates a flurry of negative energy I always try to separate myself from. When I do read some of the comments, and I don’t know why I do, I find my heart racing and my mind trying to make sense out of why some folks are always looking for a reason to be mad at something. That’s what it seems like to me. It’s a sort of mob mentality that takes over when one says, “That really pisses me off”, and another replies, “We should make sure that person never have another customer”, or “I know what you mean! He’s an asshole.” If I was in a crowd of people and these things were being shouted in my vicinity I’d remove myself from that situation as quickly as possible.

I’d like to see everyone make a conscious choice not fuel the fire when someone we know makes a negative comment on a social networking site. Debating issues is a good thing but when it turns into to hateful, useless name calling and threats then I think it loses its’ usefulness. For the record, I’m extremely saddened that someone uselessly killed Cecil the lion and in no way does it compare to the killing of a human being. My heart weeps for those families who ever lost anyone in a hateful, meaningless murder. I just don’t think ‘more hate’ is going to anything to keep these things from happening. Hate breeds more hate. But love does breed more love. Let’s all stay above the fray. Let’s have our feelings. Let’s feel our feelings. And then let’s let them go. And when those negative things are gone, we can fill that empty space with love and compassion.

Passionate education

A theatre friend of mine recently asked the question, “Is it reasonable to compare performing with a Community Theatre, for a student, to sports or band activities?” My initial reaction was, “Of course!” And yes, it is certainly reasonable to compare the two. That lead me to read numerous journals and articles written on the positives and negatives of extracurricular activities for our children. And I realized what I was doing was looking for information that would support my argument that theatre is better. And I don’t want to be ‘that guy’ that disses sports.

I was a sports kid. Yep, even though I’m a professional actor I played a lot of sports in my childhood. Even when I wasn’t playing little league baseball, I was involved in ‘sandlot’ kick ball, football, and basketball. I was never very good any of them but I enjoyed spending time with other kids. In my organized sports activities I loved being part of ‘the team’. I will admit there were times I felt bad because I wasn’t as good as the other kids but I realize now I probably could have been better if I enjoyed it more. I find as an adult I tend to put more time into learning things I’m interested in. If I loved sports, like so many wonderful children do, I know I’d have put more time into getting better. But I didn’t, and that’s okay!

Did I learn anything from sports? Well, being part of a team was wonderful. I felt included and it definitely helped me improve my interpersonal communication skills. But I always felt like an outsider there. And it’s because I think deep down I never really wanted to be there. I was doing it because my parents felt it was good for me. They wanted be to follow in the footsteps of my siblings who played sports and were good at it. But it just wasn’t me. When I hit college I started playing volleyball and had a blast. Finally a sport I enjoyed and didn’t feel like I couldn’t do adequately. I worked hard at improving my skills and felt a sense of pride at my accomplishments. But I know now it was because I enjoyed it so much! That reinforces my belief if you want to learn something you will. And I did. It also didn’t hurt that most of my team mates were actors and singers like me. There was no pressure to fit in or play any kind of needless social game. And even though we liked to win our matches, it wasn’t necessarily the reason we played. We played because we enjoyed it. We played because it was fun. It was also quite a great workout! I realized as I re-read what I wrote I haven’t really answered the question of whether or not I learned anything from sports. I did learn things from sports. I learned how to work as a team. I learned how some people are athletically gifted and others are not. I learned it’s okay not to be good at some things. And unfortunately, I learned how too much competitiveness can be a very bad thing. I watched parents, mine included, get so emotionally involved with winning that they shouted, jeered and ridiculed other players and coaches. I learned in life, there are winners and there are losers. Now, I’m not saying this is true for all parents and their children, I’m just noting my experience. There are incredible parents and coaches out there and do sports because of the joy it brings to the kids. They are taught, just because your team loses, doesn’t mean you are a loser. If your team wins doesn’t give you latitude to boast about your accomplishments to demean the other team. They are taught to be better individually both on and off the field. And as a teaching tool, there’s where having your kids involved in sports really shines. And it’s also where having your kids involved in theatre really shines too.

Competition can be so detrimental to society. Yes, it can be a driving force for advancement in many walks of life but it can also breed so much negativity. As a professional actor I compete for roles every day of my life. And even in school, children compete for roles in productions. Some get in, others do not. But what I really like about theatre is the number of areas children can get involved. Like sports, some children have innate skills that make it easier for them to excel. Other children must work at it to get better. But unlike children’s sports, theatre offers many other options. Perhaps a children really wants to be involved in theatre but doesn’t sing. Well then, they may be able to dance well. If they don’t dance well perhaps they have the natural ability to act. If a child wants to be involved in theatre but doesn’t act, sing or dance well they can be involved in the technical side. They can learn, costuming, set building, lighting, sound, and if they have incredible organizational capabilities they may be able to stage manage or even co-direct a show. That way they can do what they love, and be involved in putting together a great show. That is the one thing I love about getting children involved in theatre. Everyone can be included and work toward a common goal because in theatre no one is more important than the other. Without the “whole” there is no end result.

I have friends who loved both sports and theatre. Even in school some of them attacked both with equal fervor. I was always impressed with that passion. I love watching sports but I never really had the passion for it. I did my first play when I was in first grade and it was such a wonderful experience. But my performing in my first 14 or so years was playing my guitar and singing with my family’s bands and in church. It wasn’t until I finally gave up sports that I started really working toward something I love; theatre.

For the past week or so I’ve had the privilege of working with a young boy who was in our ensemble of my current production “Footloose”. I was behind the theatre one night and I met his mother and she said, “Oh, you’re Paul? He talks about you all the time and says you’re real nice.” Now, realize that this boy has done eight performances of this show and it’s quite a commitment for a child. She went on to say, “He can’t wait to come sing and dance every night! He really loves it”. I left the theatre feeling blessed to have been even a small part of his experience. I know there are stories like that in sports too. That just wasn’t my experience.

I know kids can learn a lot from both sports and theatre but we have to be careful not to pressure them in either direction. Perhaps children won’t like either. And in my experience, if they don’t really like it, if that really isn’t what their passion is, then they won’t work very hard at getting better. Now, if someone is better than you and that inspires you to work hard and improve yourself than that’s a good thing. But with competition, children have to be taught that winning or losing doesn’t define them. So is it fair to compare children in sports and children in theatre? Well, I guess we’d have to ask the children themselves. In my experience there are positives and negatives of both. But I really think it depends on where the child’s passion lies.