Help me understand

You have no idea how many times I started to write a blog post about our president. It starts with a paragraph or two, sometimes three, and it gets deleted. I delete it because my intent isn’t to argue with those of you who so adamantly support him.  So, I’m going to make it very simple. The example our president is setting is troubling.

Although I don’t have any historical data to back up my claim, I can say I never saw anything like this in my life time. We have a man in the oval office, who, doesn’t seem to have a clue about what it means to behave as the President of the United States. This has nothing to do with how intelligent he is or isn’t, whether or not he is a good businessman or his past success in branding or television. This is about what I feel it means to be president.

When I was younger something happened that changed the way I look at things. Without mentioning names or details, a pastor at my church was excommunicated and asked to leave. It had to do with a “sin” his wife committed and not him. I questioned why “he” was asked to relinquish his post when he wasn’t the one who committed the “crime”. The head elder of the church said, “If a pastor cannot control his own family then he can’t be expected to lead a congregation.” I found that very odd. It wasn’t his fault, right?

Now, years later, although I still don’t agree with that particular decision, I understand it. There are professions, positions in our society that require a person to be above the fray. I can think of a few examples where it would be appropriate. A parent, teacher, a preacher and yes, a politician must strive to be better than the rest of us. These are positions where setting an example is paramount. Am I right?

If a parent is seen making disparaging comments about someone they are frowned upon. If a teacher makes sexist comments they are reprimanded and sometimes fired. If a preacher is seen as not having control of his own family, he can be excommunicated. Why then, isn’t this president held to the same standard? I’m really trying to understand why people still support him?

My question has nothing to do with our president’s business acumen, his interest in making American great again or his straight talk. It has everything to do with the example he has been presenting to us and the world. If his type of behavior wouldn’t be acceptable in our own communities and homes, why is it okay for our president? If you choose to respond, please don’t disparage me. I’m not seeking hyperbole or “stump” statements about what’s wrong with our country. I’m really trying to understand why some of you are able to rationalize his behavior as acceptable.

Political History & Decorum

I’d be in the living room watching Saturday morning cartoons when I’d hear my Mom and Dad in the kitchen talking about politics. My Mom, very private about her selection process, would infuriate my Dad because she wouldn’t tell him who she planned on voting for. Sometimes those discussions would escalate when my Uncle Jim and sometimes my Uncle Donny would visit and inevitably the “what’s best for the country” discussion would ensue. It was in my mid-teens when I learned my mother was a registered Republican and my father was a registered Democrat. And I admit, I had no idea what either of those things meant. Even with 12 years of education, I felt incredibly unprepared to eventually walk into a polling place and perform what I was taught as an integral part of my duty as a citizen of the United States of America. This was serious business! I didn’t watch much of the news unless my parents were watching and this was long before the advent of the internet so my sources were pretty much limited to what my family said and what I read in the newspapers. But then again, I didn’t read many of those either. That is of course until I graduated high school and started college.

Even though I was born in 1965 I was a child of the 70’s. I grew up hearing the adults in my life talking about the Kent State massacre, the killing of nine hostages and one police officer at the 1972 Munich Olympics, the resignation of President Richard Nixon, the Vietnam war and the fall of Saigon, Jimmy Carter, the death of Elvis, the first test tube baby, Peace in the Middle East between Egypt and Israel, the first non-Italian Pope in over 400 years Pope John Paul II, the Jonestown Massacre, Three Mile Island, Ted Bundy and the Iran Hostage Crisis.  According to all the elders in my life, these were scary times. In 1979 I walked into the halls of Central Columbia High School as a freshman. From there, in 1983, I went to college and my impressionable 80’s education began. Between 1980 and 1984 I read, saw and heard about the eruption of Mount St. Helens, the assassination of John Lennon, the assassination of Anwar Sadat, the identification of the AIDS virus, the assassination of Indira Ghandi and the Soviet Union boycotting the 1984 Olympics. The difference in these informative years that I was no longer relying on biased information from the adults in my life I was getting it on my own. Plus, it was not longer the older folks who would make the decisions that would affect me, it would be me. I remember being genuinely scared I’d make the wrong choice when I voted. There were positive stories that happened between the years 1965 and 1984 too, but even then, fear ruled when it came to the news media. And I had 18 years of it imbedded in my psyche. What do I do when I vote?

Since my 18^th birthday wasn’t until November 29th, 1983 I didn’t have my first chance to vote until 1984.  November 6, 1984 I nervously walked into the polling area by myself and was asked, “Are you a registered Republican or a Democrat?” I remember thinking that was an awfully personal question to ask someone. But I quietly replied, “republican”, and was directed toward a polling station. Republican, what did that even mean? I honestly don’t know why I registered Republican when I was young. I believe it had something to do with the fact that that was what my Mom was. Not that I didn’t love my Dad and respect his choice to be a registered Democrat, but I think early on the mantra, “We must keep the Federal Government out of lives” rang true to me. It was the message that was fed to me by my aunts, uncles and many of the adults who helped shape my belief system. So, when I walked into the polling station on that cold November day I pulled the lever for Ronald Reagan. Truth be told, I could have voted for Walter Mondale too because I knew that was who Dad was voting for but in the end, my conditioning won the battle of my decision.

For the next four years I watched intently at what Ronald Reagan did for our country. I mean here was a guy who was a successful Hollywood actor, Governor and now President who lived through an assassination attempt in 1981! But despite the fact that his awe-inspiring efforts helped dismantle traditional communism, stop the cold war and tear down the Berlin Wall, terrible events continued to occur across the nation and the world. In the late 80’s there was Chernobyl, the Space Shuttle Challenger disaster, the University of Montreal Massacre, the Iran-Contra Scandal, the largest stock market crash in history occurred on “Black Monday, Pan Am flight 103 explodes over Lockerie, Scotland brought down by suspected Lybian terrorists and thousands of protestors were killed on Tienanmen Square in Beijing. Did the decisions President Reagan make help prevent any of those things from happening? Or for that matter, did the decisions of presidents George Herbert Walker Bush, Bill Clinton, George W. Bush or Barak Obama prevent any of the tragic events that occurred in the 90’s, 00’s or 10’s?

Perhaps that’s a stretch. My intent isn’t to begin a debate over presidential decisions that may or may not have had an effect on global or national tragedies and victories, but rather to revisit our past as a way of understanding the decisions we make in the present. I’m not sure exactly when I discovered I had a mind of my own, but when it happened it was enlightening. I suddenly realized that not everything people said about a candidate was true. I realized that issues that were important to me might not necessarily be important to others. And I also came to the realization that regardless of who is President, bad things happen.

I think back often of those political conversations that occurred when I was young, except now when I do I’m able to pull from them an important lesson. When we stop to take the emotion out of the equation many things become clearer. I haven’t thrown away my childhood imprinting but rather used it to mold my own psyche and decision making process. Emotionally my Mom wasn’t able to see things that my Dad thought were vital in the role of government. In the same way my Dad, being too emotional to be rational, never really listened to issues that were important to my Mom. When in truth, if they would have truly listened to each other, they would see they both wanted similar things but had different ways of achieving them. That’s a lesson I learned then and do my best to pass along now.

I’m not even sure why I wrote this entry today. I think it has so much to do with the nastiness I see and hear every day. Heck, I’ve heard it all my life it just that now with the advent of the internet, Facebook and cable news outlets, I’m confronted with it so much more. Sometimes when I read what people write I think, “Wow! That was just an awful thing to say!” Or I say outloud, “Why would they say something like that?” You know the comments I’m referring to. The lashing out that occurs when someone disagrees with a stance another makes on a particular candidate. I reminds me of sitting in a bar watching a football game and seeing two people get into a fist fight over an errant call, a botched play or even over a particular player one of the people detest.  But the presidential primaries aren’t a sporting event. They are not a reality based television show where unabashedly argue on who should get voted out and who should stay in. They are instead about aligning ourselves with the individual who best represents the issues that are important to us. They are about choosing a qualified individual who will represent the Executive Branch of the Federal Government of the United States of America.

My Mom had some good points to make when it came to economics and the role the Federal Government has to play. My Dad had some good points about the social side of things. I’ve taken what they believed, and with my own established belief system, created my own set of credentials and qualifications for the office of President. For me, I take the emotion out of the equation and try my best to be pragmatic when it comes to my choice. I’m now a registered Democrat but I’ve never voted a straight party ticket. I didn’t have the opportunity to caucus for the Republicans in my home state of Kentucky but if I could have I would have been involved. I will however be voting in the Democratic primaries in May and yes I have chosen who I am voting for. And whoever the eventual nominees are, I will make my choice based not on emotions, but rather qualifications that match my set of mandatory credentials.

Unfortunately tragic events happen every year in our nation and world. It is difficult not to get emotional about things. And yes it’s so hard to not get wrapped up in the negative banter that gets thrown at us every day by our friends, family and the media. But rather than getting offended that someone doesn’t believe like we do, or attacking others because they say things that offend us, let’s not get offended at all. It’s not important that everyone agrees with us. I advocate an open forum of positive qualifications for every candidate. And if someone differs from me, that’s okay. Every, and yes I mean every candidate has positive attributes. Since November I’ve listened to all of them and slowly narrowed down my choices. I don’t have to tear down the others to make my choices seem better. Instead, like my mother, what’s important to me is pretty personal. Please, please, please let us all make a concerted effort to raise our level of decorum and not be so defensive when someone chooses a different path. People have had dissenting opinions for centuries. And that in part, is what makes America the greatest country in the world.

I hope this has a point…

“She’s a liberal! That’s why she says those things!”, the man exclaimed on the cable news network. “They all have their head in the sand because they don’t want to hear the truth”, was the follow-up. As I watched and heard this banter my mind went to the word chosen to describe this person. She was labeled a liberal. We’ve been trained how to respond to that word through years of conditioning. If ours is a conservative background our defense mechanism kicks in and we already discount any logical points raised in the discussion by this person. If we’ve been indoctrinated with a liberal education we tend to take what this liberal person says without question. Growing up in a household with a republican mother and a democratic father I’ve been exposed to both. Are there always two sides to everything? Or could there be many ways to see things? The news commentator said this liberal didn’t want to hear the truth. Politicians, Legal professionals, Educators and Religious speakers love that word. But whose truth are we talking about? I decided to get some literal definitions of these words and see if I can make some sense out of this.

Let’s look at the word liberal in Merriam-Webster’s dictionary.

1. Of, relating to, or based on the liberal arts
2. Marked by generosity; given or provided in a generous, open-handed way
3. Lacking moral restraint obsolete
4. Not literal or strict.
5. Broad-minded; especially: not bound by authoritarianism, orthodoxy, or traditional forms.
6. Of, favoring, or based upon the principles of liberalism; Capitalized: of or constituting a political party advocating or associated with the principles of political liberalism.

Here’s Merriam-Webster’s definition of truth.

1. Sincerity in action or character,
2. The state of being the case, the body of real things, events and facts, a transcendent fundamental of spiritual reality, a judgment, proposition, or idea that is true or accepted as true, the body of true statements and propositions,
3. The property of being in accord with fact or reality, fidelity to an original or to a standard,
4. In accordance with fact.

As I suspected these two words have many different meanings. And depending who’s saying them, where they are said, and how they are uttered can make all the difference. Human beings have the gift of speech. Words can be beautiful and be uplifting and loving avenues that lead to positive outcomes. But they can also be hurtful, disconcerting, evil and deceiving. We tend to use words to label others. We put people into a category using words that are aligned with our belief system. A belief system that automatically puts us at odds with anything that questions those beliefs. I’m labeled a compassionate, loving man by some, and others an unrealistic dreamer who doesn’t live in the real world. When people ask me questions about what I think or feel it takes me a long time to answer. I don’t like labeling myself because as soon as I say a word, people automatically have a opinion based on their truth. I do it too. And I don’t like the fact that my brain categorizes in that way. So I’ve challenged myself to stop labeling people. I’m going to choose my words carefully. If I know a person I’m speaking too has a different belief system from me, I will simply say, “you may not want to hear what I think on that matter.” If they press me, I will say, “I will tell you, but realize I am not attacking you in any way. It’s okay that we don’t see eye to eye on all things.” What I will not do is label myself by a politcal party or religious affiliation.

When asked if I am proud to be an American I quote my mother when she used to say, “pride commeth before the fall.” It’s a genuine human emotion to feel a sense of accomplishment or to feel good about people who achieve great things. But if that feeling separates us from other human beings than I say it isn’t good. Yes, I was born and reside in America so therefore I am an American. But being an American doesn’t make me any better than any other human being with a different nationality.

Even now I’m sure if one of you is reading this you already have an opinion about my beliefs and have, in your own way, labeled me. I understand because our minds always try to make sense out of things that are either different than us or question our belief system. But I truly feel the problems in the world today are human problems. Too long we’ve used words to categorize people, who in many ways are just like us. But because they don’t talk like us, look like us, behave like us, believe like us and act like us we discount them. And that’s just not a nice thing to do.

As a baby we are open to all. In in a few short years we are taught what is good and what is bad. As we get older we are taught who to listen to and who not to listen too. And most times, but not always, we carry those rules into adulthood. And because of that, we must be careful what words we use and what labels we apply to people. Because like us, other people have a belief system too.

Alright, back to our liberal who doesn’t know the truth in the beginning of this short essay. She was indoctrinated with a belief system and it is her choice to feels. The same goes for the news anchor who feels a different way. The truth that is spoken is also relative. And it is obvious that both of their truths are different. So when this impasse is reached we must seek out facts. Things the are indisputable. Are their such things?

Perhaps it’s a good idea for all human beings to install a fact checker on ourselves. When I did it to myself I quickly found out that many of my beliefs were just that; beliefs. They weren’t based on indisputable fact but rather years of conditioning. That doesn’t mean they are false because they are very true to me but what is fact?

I am human. I am male. I am flawed. I love. These facts can be proven by scientific fact or by my actions. As far as my beliefs go…well, I’ll gladly share those beliefs with you if asked.

Try It You’ll Like It

You auditioned for the 3rd time and you are finally cast.  You pack, you travel to the theatre and are greeted by the staff and fellow actors.  After a nervous nights’ sleep  you arrive at the rehearsal and do a read-through.  This is really happening.  You spend hours rehearsing and even your nights are filled with learning your lines, blocking and choreography.

You walk into rehearsal on the 6th day and hear,  “I’m sorry, but the theatre is closing.  You all have to go home.”  What??!!

What do you say to something like that?  Once again, a landmark theatre, The Wayside in Virginia is closing its doors.  And that’s sort of the way it all happened.  Something very similar happened to me once, a few yeas ago.

After spending three seasons with a rep company,  I returned to work after the Christmas break to be told, we can’t afford to pay you any longer so you’ll have to leave.  A few years later, that theatre too closed it’s doors.

What is happening here?

“It’s the economy!”, some people say.  “It’s because arts funding is getting cut!”, others shout.  “It’s the electronic age!”, still others pontificate.  And in all probability, some of that may be true.  But is it the whole story?

I remember doing a report, many years ago, that calculated the amount of revenue a theatre I was working for would increase, if every single adult in a 3 county region would purchase just ONE ticket to an upcoming show.  And I’m talking about one show in an entire season.  It was unbelievable!  The theatre could have survived on that alone!  So it begs the question, why don’t we do it?  That’s the million dollar question isn’t it?

People plan for major purchases, save for vacations, and are o.k. with spending money on lunch and dinner.  But when it comes to going to see a play or musical there seems to be a tendency to say, “It’s so expensive.”  Well, it can be.  But I know from years of marketing people WILL spend money on things they want and are interested in.  So is that it?

I don’t have any statistics to prove what I’m about to say, but I feel in my bones it’s true to a point.  The younger generation, in general, does not have as much interest in live theatre as the older generation.  Everything is quicker.  Instant gratification is key.  Attention spans are getting shorter and shorter.  But what is it about live theatre that doesn’t interest the 20-something generation?  Are we too boring?  Is there too much thought involved?  Is sitting in a theatre for 2 1/2 hours too much to ask?  Are the stories outdated?  Wish I knew.

I do know that there are a lot extremely talented people both on and off stage that make their livings creating and performing astounding live theatre across this great nation of ours.  And I know in my heart that will never stop.  Even though fewer, and fewer people seem to support live theatre by attending performances, we will still be there doing what it is we were put on this planet to do.  Perform.

To all the young people out there…if you haven’t seen a live play or musical.  Give it a shot.  You might really enjoy it.  To all the folks of my generation and older, go see a live show, there really is nothing like it.  I’ve had the distinct honor of working with some of the finest actors and singers I’ve ever seen or  heard.  And yes, that out trumps many of the known actors we see on television and movies.  I’m telling all of you, one of the best actors you never heard of is probably a few miles away at that local, professional theatre in your city or town just waiting to blow you away.  No, they’re not plastered all over magazines, the Today show or TMZ but they’re there, giving all they have 5 or 6 days a week.  And they’re really good!

Maybe that’s how it all starts.  Just go.  Buy ONE ticket.  Experience live, professional theatre.  If you like music, go see a musical.  If you like drama, go see a drama.  If you like to laugh, go see a comedy.  They’re there.  And if we all turn off Netflix, our T’V’s, and our computers for just 3 hours, and attend a live play or musical, they perhaps theatre’s won’t have to close their doors any more.